final post

I am not sure what to talk about today.  What can I say in my final post? I can’t complain that much  because I feel like I got things under control this week.  We only have two weeks of school, and I have several projects due but after going through my comprehensive exam I feel like things are much lighter.  I had time to take a small break and take my daughter out on a mommy daughter date.  Somehow I feel like I am going to miss the blog.  I know it’s extra work, but it was always great to come back and read messages from my classmates.  I think I may continue blogging in the future, but I wonder if anyone will read what I have to say.  

comp exam

I turned in my comprehensive exam on Monday.  I had to work on Monday, although I was physically at my school my mind was on my paper.  My plan was to get off work and go directly to CSULA because my test was due at 5pm.  After work, I get in my car ready to go, and as I look down I realize I had “zero” gas. I was supposed to put gas in my car that morning before dropping off the kids at school and driving to work (I had 18 miles left then).  I looked at the time, and it was 4:20pm… I panicked and almost started crying there was no way I can make it to CSULA with no gas.   Have you ever been so busy that you forget to put gas in your car? 

Stopped for gas, called my dad and told him that I would pick him up so I would not have to waste time trying to find parking.  Thank goodness for my dad.  We drove up to CSULA at 4:57pm, I pulled up to the red curb, grabbed my envelope and ran to the office (I don’t think I ever moved so fast).  I made it to the office just in time to hand in the envelope containing my test.

As I reflect on the last two years, I realize that I would not be where I am without my family.  My dad 

left what he was doing just to go to school with me.  My parents help more than words can explain.  My mother picks up the kids from school every day and cooks my family dinner once a week.  My husband is a mom and a dad many times because I am so busy with school work.  The degree that I am earning is not just mine; it belongs to my mom, dad, husband, and kids. 

Reward

Since my last post, my school work continues to pile up and my house has become much more disastrous.  When I came home today I realized that my home was in need of much help.  Dishes were starting to pile up, living room was a mess and well lets not talk about my bedroom.  As I put down my things on the table I could not help but feel overwhelmed. I took a deep breath and  picked up a couple things, did a load of laundry, cleaned up my kitchen and then sat down to work on my comprehensive exam.

As was I typing my paper, I saw my dog lying on the ground staring at me and I suddenly realized that she had been jumping up and down trying to get my attention for at least 20 minutes.  She had finally gave up  and decided to just stare at her "mommy".  I was so caught up in my work that I had completely ignored her.  I began to feel terrible and started to call her over, she came immediately wagging her tail like the rotor of a helicopter.   My biggest reward today, kisses from my beautiful "Honey Pooh".

Reflection

This is my 4th year that I have attended school full time.  As I reflect on my journey I begin to realize how burnt out  I am.  I feel that I have lost thought with who I am and what I love to do.  My life consist of school and work.  I leave my home at 7am and don't return back until 9pm.  I miss coming home with nothing to do and sitting in front of the television watching "I love Lucy" and laughing my head off until my stomach hurt.  I miss coming home to my husband and sitting on the coach just enjoying the moment. 

The last two years have been extremely hard.  Graduate school has been a challenge. Although I feel that I have grown as a human and as a professional I feel that I have also missed out on so much.  I fight with my self every weekend.  Do I spend time with my kids? Can I go out to lunch with my sisters? Can I enjoy dinner and a movie without thinking about a paper that is due?